OH MY GOD YOU CAN WATCH STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE ON YOUTUBE AND IT IS FREE. LET US ALL HOLD VIRTUAL HANDS AND WATCH THIS CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE.
Okay, so there is a lot of toss. Charlie transformed into Blanka by the scientist Dhalsim? Right, mate. Ryu and Ken as gambling low-life morons and Kylie Minogue’s hilariously bad ‘Cammy’, to name but a few. Despite this, it is the best film. Don’t believe me? Here’s why.
1 - Van Damme as Guile.
Choosing a Belgian national treasure like Jean-Claude to play the super-American Col. Guile may seem like a ridiculous casting decision, based on the need for a ‘triple-A’ action movie star to play the lead role, but you’d be wrong. Van Damme gives one of the performances of his life, as a Marine burdened by the toll of leadership in a pointless war against a maniacal dictator. His best friend, Charlie, has been captured and subjected to extreme torture, all the while the fate of innocent UN peacekeepers held to ransom is in hands. Guile is a man stuck in difficult times just trying to do the right thing. His rousing speech to his men at the end of the second act is one of cinema's most stirring moments and should’ve gotten him an Oscar nod.
2 - Raul Julia as M. Bison.
One of the seminal performances of the past few decades, Gomez Addams chews the stage as the great dictator. Proving the perfect foil to Van Damme’s brooding Guile, Julia’s Bison is power mad - flamboyant, cocksure and extremely arrogant - due to his tyrannical grip on Shadaloo. He was terminally ill with stomach cancer during filming, and you get the feeling the guy was aware he was about to bow out on a role as ridiculous as Orson Welles as fucking Unicron, but was ever the professional. His 'It was Tuesday' monologue is one of the greatest villain quotes this side of 'I am your father'. This article might appear to be tongue in cheek, but honestly, Raul Julia was a badass M. Bison.
3 - Zangief.
4 - Most of the casting.
Wes Studi as Sagat? Badass. That dude who plays Vega? Badass. Chun-Li, Deejay, Balrog? All badasses. Look - I'm stretching this a bit...
5 - The final third.
Most people say that the awesome parody sequence in Jackie Chan classic City Hunter is the best portrayal of live action Street Fighter to date. They're right, but the last third of this movie is a close second. With the help of a few leaps of logic, suddenly all of the characters are acting like their videogame counterparts, wearing their in-game costumes and even, if you stretch it a bit, pulling off some of their signature moves. It is silly fun, and far, far more entertaining than watching Fassbender fuck his way to Oscar ignorance or some black and white silent nonsense. Actually, that's unfair - I've never watched those films.
I have, however, watched Street Fighter more times than I'd like to think about. Sure, its ridiculous, but then so was Titanic, and that won stuff. A massive iceberg? Really??