You might recall that a few weeks ago, we - inspired by the mighty Andy Kelly - asked you to make a bunch of TWINE games about the most boring things imaginable. And you did! Even Christmas couldn't stop you, you glorious bastards. Let's play and talk about the games you made. I haven't included Twitter handles or the like, because half of you buggers didn't include them when submitting your games. YOUR FAULT.
First up, the ones we already knew about:
A game about buying toilet paper. Dull, and with a dash of existential angst. Perfect.
You might've noticed, but we don't have any comments on Midnight Resistance. This is why.
AND THE REST:
I'm ignoring a whole bunch of real-life chores that I'm meant to be doing right now in order to post this. META.
Also this game looks different to the others. HOW DID YOU DO THIS KANANE
An FPS, remade as a text adventure. Superb.
I found it hard to empathise with the protagonist of this game, as I fucking love buying shoes. But, it contains the line "You watch a Louis Theroux documentary on Youtube (the one about paedophiles)"
This one's about waking up hungry and having to decide whether to try and find some food, or just go back to sleep. This feeling is the reason I've not had a proper lie-in since I was about twelve years old.
"Now you're sweaty, out of breath and your hand smells like a dick."
Have you ever wanted to moisten your own eyes? Well NOW YOU CAN.
Seriously though, this one is brilliant. Play it.
Not a game about going on a killing spree. But don't let that put you off!!!!
A game in which we find out what Rowan thinks is an acceptable way to clean his glasses. He gets extra marks for being the only person besides Andy Kelly to use a picture in his game.
DOWNLOAD PROGRESS BARS. EVERYONE LOVES THEM. THEY ARE NOT MADDENING AT ALL.
Emily cheated and didn't use TWINE for her game, but she's also staggeringly talented so we'll let her off. Her game is about Kotaku commenters being sexist bellends. I can't remember if she said the comments in it are made up or genuinely lifted from Kotaku, but I feel like I'm better off not knowing.
This is probably the most terrifying, frustrating and depressing of the lot. Bravo, Aaron!
And now here's mine, which I have left until the end because of my boundless modesty. It's about the difficulty I have getting phone signal at work. I need you to know how I suffer.
And that's it! Huge thanks to everyone who contributed to #DULLJAM, and to Andy for letting us host this farce and for doing the ace logo you can see at the very top of this internet webpage.
Luckily all your games were ace, so I don't need to do a bit here where I sort of have to avoid praising some of them. Cheers!