I'd like to begin with an apology of sorts: BloodRayne: The Third Reich is such a terrible film to watch that it's taken me three months to shake off the resulting ennui and write about the experience. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever watched that film.
If it isn't already brutally obvious by the blurry picture of Vampire Hitler at the top of the page, this is the point at which director Uwe Boll steers the BloodRayne series into his other favourite subject - Nazi Germany - like a train nobody was on slamming into an orphanage full of kids nobody liked. It's not a pretty sight - even in a literal sense, it took me the best part of half an hour to find a snapshot from the film to put at the end of this article that didn't just look like a historical re-enactment enthusiast looking lost in a Polish car park - and you can't really empathise with anybody involved, either on-screen or behind the camera.
What happens in this film is that Rayne gets shot while executing a Nazi officer, and some of her blood splatters into his mouth, and somehow this allows him to absorb her powers so he turns into a daywalking vampire - sorry, 'Dhampir' - and some archetypical mad Nazi butcher physician is going about trying to obtain blood samples to make Hitler immortal, and there's some bits about concentration camps, and there's a couple of gratuitous lesbian sex scenes thrown in, in case you had any doubts about the director's sexuality.
This film is dreadful, but here's the thing: Compared to the earlier films, it's a lot closer to the plot of the original game (in which Rayne travels the world a bit, killing Nazis and stealing their mystical artifacts). So next time you're sitting in the cinema, tweeting with disgust that some IDIOT in Hollywood decided that Matriarch Benezia would be a more meaningful character if she also happened to be the Asari council member, just remember that canonicty doesn't make a film good and you are wasting your life.
[Come back next week when we'll be watching a film that wasn't directed by Uwe Boll]