It is the last day of Husktober. We’ve all made it, we’ve all avoided doing a D-FENS and we’re all much hairier. So, as a follow-up to last week’s article, here is one about the sudden facial hair that is used by videogames to signify that someone is basically have a bad time of it all - heaven forbid they use something like ‘character development’ and ‘plot’ to convey this...
BEARDY SPOILERS AHEAD.
An FBI agent in the first game, the events of which cause our Ethan to lose his job and become trapped in a downward spiral of alcoholism, despair and facial hair. Toward the end of the game, he quite literally fights his demons, by punching his alcoholism in the face. If he had smothered it with his beard the ending would’ve gone from being regarded as ‘ridiculous’ to ‘absolutely perfect’.
Resident Evil Series
We join Barry Burton well into his breakdown, at the start of the Resident Evil series. With Wesker, the ultra-bastard bad guy manipulating him, his family being threatened and his own general incompetence clearly being all too much for him. The result of all of this mounting pressure? One of the finest pieces of facial hair in all of videogaming.
Gears of War Series
Dom’s wife is unceremoniously (and hilariously) offed right in front of him. Combined with the usual horrors of war nonsense that can push a videogame character well into the deep end, Dom loses his shit, and at some point between Gears of War 2 and 3, grows a pretty special widow-beard. He’s a macho man, afraid to show his true emotions. His beard is his sadness, his grief manifested in some beastly facial fuzz.
THAT PRICK FROM HEAVY RAIN
Max Payne Series
Now, the thing that makes Max’s grief beard interesting is that it only appeared a good decade into his descent into misery. Perhaps because he was repressing it for so long, the resulting melon muff is thick, with good coverage and enhanced by some accompanying ‘grief baldness’.
Spec Ops: The Line
Spec Ops: The Line is basically the story of one man’s complete and utter breakdown due to the horrors that he sees and is responsible for over the course of the campaign. Eventually, he is confronted by his own inability to deal with what he has become. Then, in the epilogue, he shows up with a breathtaking beard, clearly showing that he is a man who has gone completely over the edge.
Shadow of the Colossus
I don’t think anything quite sums up Husktober quite as well as Barba does. He lives in a cave, seemingly doing nothing but being alone with his thoughts, growing his substantial beard. He is one of the last of his kind, living for what appears to be eternity in a barren wasteland world. Alone. Morose. Introspective. Eventually, some punk kid with girl problems shows up and stabs him in his head - his beard being the thing that allowed this to happen. Life is shit.
Animal Crossing Series
Ah, Lyle. You poor bastard. His unfortunate circumstances have already been covered on this site, but if I can add one thing - I guarantee you that those whiskers were nowhere to be seen while he was on top.
Mental health is a serious issue and Mind are a very worthwhile charity you should consider donating some time and/or money to. Beards, however, are awesome.